This socially maladjusted tree, which grows right next to my parking space in our apartment complex, hates me. It purposefully drops all kinds of Tree Detritus on me, attempts to trip me with its outsized roots, and brazenly encourages the flying monkey-type birds who do its evil bidding to rain offenses upon my poor little Ford Focus.

I don’t know what to do. I mean, just look at this angry arboreal! Is there any doubt that it belongs to that same family of trees who once so appallingly harassed a certain young lady from Kansas who wanted nothing more than to get back home?

What is with this Twilight Zone apartment complex my wife and I have moved into??

(Think I’m kidding about our apartments? Think all that’s really happened is that I bought a new camera last week and am clearly too lazy to venture more than forty feet outside my apartment to get any decent, normal photos I could use for my blog? Really? How interesting. Well then see, if you dare, my recent, utterly traumatizing posts, John Wayne’s Ex-Wife’s Smiling Gelantinous Fish Log, and/or Cat Exploited For Viewing Pleasure In Apartment Zoo! But remember: you’ve been warned.)